Today at 4pm GMT i arrived back in the first world.
It was the usual long-haul. Partying until 5am, packing till 6am. 2hours in front of the computer, on the internet. Passing out, passing in. Until 8am when my neighbours drove me to Rio's bus-terminal.
6 hours on the bus to Sao Paulo, 3 hours waiting at the airport, 2hours checking in. 6.5 hours to Amsterdam, transit, an hour delay, then the final 45minutes to London. Where, muscles twitching uncontrollably from the confinement, i make my way out of the airport.
Out of the subway station, Soho, and i can taste the excitement. Houses are orderly, streets wide and clean and filled with the cries of Sunday-evening revellers, and the expensive whirr of the Bmw's and Mercedes and Aston Martins that pass.
I feel like im in a carefully crafted advertisement on Brasilian tv. The kind that many Brasilians dream of living, in the same way they dream of going to the moon.
But here in London, the difference between rich and poor is compacted. And suddenly for the first time in a long time, i dont feel so bad for wanting things; a new camera, a nice car, to over-eat, to over-buy, to live in nice apartment with downlights and polished wood floors, plush couches, a laptop, and a king-size bed.
***
Its now 2am. Im passing in/out again - tired. The rumble of the trucks is coming in through the open windows and I wonder about my time, volunteering, in Brazil and how should I have changed
ps ill be more upbeat next post. promise :)
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Dreams of Airports
LEAVING
im sitting in the computer room in the middle of the favela in which i live.
Its 1am and the gunshots have stopped. Generally its always hard to tell at nights exactly where they´re coming from - the sound carries from kilometres away. My neighbour says they only use gunshots here as signals... or when the police come.
Its generally cool but sometimes i worry about walking home. just if i get fronted by one of the guys here, i hope i can talk myself out of it. They generally know who i am now.
Things are slowing down a bit ahead of my departure in about a week.... and im feeling a mixture of accomplishment and sadness about leaving all the great things ive experienced here, the attachment. it will pass soon enough.
AIRPORTS
Ive really come to like airports on this trip. They offer a calm coolness, a generic sterility that is incredibly soothing when i´ve spent the last 8 hours being quasi-kidnapped like in Fiji (watch this space ill be doing some reviews on stuff that never made it to this blog) or getting my stomach x-rayed for drugs in Colombia, or generally just the high-stress of getting to the airport on-time without having anything stolen.
I had a dream last night about being at the airport. I realized that I liked the dream a lot. I think its time l left.
respex
cal
im sitting in the computer room in the middle of the favela in which i live.
Its 1am and the gunshots have stopped. Generally its always hard to tell at nights exactly where they´re coming from - the sound carries from kilometres away. My neighbour says they only use gunshots here as signals... or when the police come.
Its generally cool but sometimes i worry about walking home. just if i get fronted by one of the guys here, i hope i can talk myself out of it. They generally know who i am now.
Things are slowing down a bit ahead of my departure in about a week.... and im feeling a mixture of accomplishment and sadness about leaving all the great things ive experienced here, the attachment. it will pass soon enough.
AIRPORTS
Ive really come to like airports on this trip. They offer a calm coolness, a generic sterility that is incredibly soothing when i´ve spent the last 8 hours being quasi-kidnapped like in Fiji (watch this space ill be doing some reviews on stuff that never made it to this blog) or getting my stomach x-rayed for drugs in Colombia, or generally just the high-stress of getting to the airport on-time without having anything stolen.
I had a dream last night about being at the airport. I realized that I liked the dream a lot. I think its time l left.
respex
cal
Monday, June 13, 2005
In the Hood
Theres some crazy shit that goes down in the hood.
Just yesterday (sunday) my friend Magalhaes took me on a walking photography tour around the parts of the favela that i hadnt yet seen. The place is beautiful. Narrow alleyways where the children play hide and seek, bars that literally are a hole in the wall.
Think i got some good photos, but its on film, need to wait till they get developed - damn. Probably wont be able to put them onto flickr for a while - until at i get to uk at least... and earn some CASH.
At 8am this morning, i climbed from my house up to the "quadra". I was on my way to take photos of ballerinas who take lessons in the favela. A woman was crying. Her son had died of an overdose in the early hours of the morning. People said he was on "lolo" - some kind of shoe-makers glue. The ambulance didnt arrive in time. My friend Ricardo, 16, had helped to cover the body.
I´d been back at my house an hour when i heard fireworks going off. But the sound didnt stop. It was automatic gunfire. The police were entering the favela. Four of them with their AR-15 machine guns, scopes, and itchy trigger fingers. Acting like ....
Apparently the shots are from the dealers patrolling at the top of the favela to warn the dealers in the "quadra" of the arrival of the police. Apparently the police come in to the favela when they havent received their pay-off. Rustle people up. Make business difficult.
I was 30 metres away in my house watching the whole thing and i was scared. Its so weird to be scared of police. Im so used to being able to ask a policeman for directions. Here, i avoid them at all costs. The police are corrupt. The police do kill innocent people, often.
Its a society upside-down.
Apart from the police, inside the favela is the safest place ive been in Brasil so far. The drug barons run the place. The drug barons dont want any reason for the police to come to the favela - so they sort out all the problems. Robbery/rape/... its all pretty rare here because the drug barons come down hard. Anybody who does any of that stuff goes outside the favela... to places where the tourists are... copacabana, ipanema,...
****
ill write more on it when i have the time
got to go give an english lesson. take care. love to all
Just yesterday (sunday) my friend Magalhaes took me on a walking photography tour around the parts of the favela that i hadnt yet seen. The place is beautiful. Narrow alleyways where the children play hide and seek, bars that literally are a hole in the wall.
Think i got some good photos, but its on film, need to wait till they get developed - damn. Probably wont be able to put them onto flickr for a while - until at i get to uk at least... and earn some CASH.
At 8am this morning, i climbed from my house up to the "quadra". I was on my way to take photos of ballerinas who take lessons in the favela. A woman was crying. Her son had died of an overdose in the early hours of the morning. People said he was on "lolo" - some kind of shoe-makers glue. The ambulance didnt arrive in time. My friend Ricardo, 16, had helped to cover the body.
I´d been back at my house an hour when i heard fireworks going off. But the sound didnt stop. It was automatic gunfire. The police were entering the favela. Four of them with their AR-15 machine guns, scopes, and itchy trigger fingers. Acting like ....
Apparently the shots are from the dealers patrolling at the top of the favela to warn the dealers in the "quadra" of the arrival of the police. Apparently the police come in to the favela when they havent received their pay-off. Rustle people up. Make business difficult.
I was 30 metres away in my house watching the whole thing and i was scared. Its so weird to be scared of police. Im so used to being able to ask a policeman for directions. Here, i avoid them at all costs. The police are corrupt. The police do kill innocent people, often.
Its a society upside-down.
Apart from the police, inside the favela is the safest place ive been in Brasil so far. The drug barons run the place. The drug barons dont want any reason for the police to come to the favela - so they sort out all the problems. Robbery/rape/... its all pretty rare here because the drug barons come down hard. Anybody who does any of that stuff goes outside the favela... to places where the tourists are... copacabana, ipanema,...
****
ill write more on it when i have the time
got to go give an english lesson. take care. love to all
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Arms sewn back on again
Yeah, think ive solved my problem. Im now in the office of my ONG, using their computers. No more phaffing around with pay per use or with the "never working" computers in my other ONG. Not that its anyones fault really. Im poor and internet is expensive and hard to access.
I hope this will continue to be part of a positive trend and youll be hearing from me more often!!!!
love
cal
by the way, im very well thank you :)
I hope this will continue to be part of a positive trend and youll be hearing from me more often!!!!
love
cal
by the way, im very well thank you :)
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Lost both arms
Hello People!
Let me begin with another apology. This time its not my fault. I have not written/ am not writing because i have NO INTERNET ACCESS.
The place where i normally use it - a tiny NGO to which i had been seconded - has not paid their phone bill because they have no cash, and now i have no internet. It feels like someone has tied both arms behind my back.... and my legs too for good measure!
Go to an internet cafe! I hear you say. Fact is - im super poor. not just regularly poor but superduper po (cant even afford the "or").
I had extended my time here in brasil by 1month. i thought everything was going to be fine. I had some english teaching work lined up etc. But the teaching hasnt panned out like i thought, im earning far less than i had expected (not enough students).
i know i shouldnt say things like this cos in comparison to the kids here i have everything. BUT i HAVE TO EARN IT NOWISH.
My two objectives in this extended time were to accelerate my learning in portuguese, and i can report that it is quite good. and to take more photos - also doing a real good job - sorry theyre all on film - need a film scanner to share them with you all!
*****
other than that, things are great. Im living in a favela (slum). But its really safe. Lots of guys with HUGE GUNS but theyre down with me being a local and all (restecp). Not getting out to do much more tourist stuff or to any bangin nightclubs cos again im po. but doing the stuff you can do cheap like hangin out with peops, going to the local (cheap) "funke" parties.. even drinking beer!
****
Not much more to say. I have been writing. its all in this exercise book. just need some time to UPLOAD. cant say when that will happen. until then... i can only promise to give you the ad-libbed adventures of calvin in brasil, occasionaly.
love and respect
cal
Let me begin with another apology. This time its not my fault. I have not written/ am not writing because i have NO INTERNET ACCESS.
The place where i normally use it - a tiny NGO to which i had been seconded - has not paid their phone bill because they have no cash, and now i have no internet. It feels like someone has tied both arms behind my back.... and my legs too for good measure!
Go to an internet cafe! I hear you say. Fact is - im super poor. not just regularly poor but superduper po (cant even afford the "or").
I had extended my time here in brasil by 1month. i thought everything was going to be fine. I had some english teaching work lined up etc. But the teaching hasnt panned out like i thought, im earning far less than i had expected (not enough students).
i know i shouldnt say things like this cos in comparison to the kids here i have everything. BUT i HAVE TO EARN IT NOWISH.
My two objectives in this extended time were to accelerate my learning in portuguese, and i can report that it is quite good. and to take more photos - also doing a real good job - sorry theyre all on film - need a film scanner to share them with you all!
*****
other than that, things are great. Im living in a favela (slum). But its really safe. Lots of guys with HUGE GUNS but theyre down with me being a local and all (restecp). Not getting out to do much more tourist stuff or to any bangin nightclubs cos again im po. but doing the stuff you can do cheap like hangin out with peops, going to the local (cheap) "funke" parties.. even drinking beer!
****
Not much more to say. I have been writing. its all in this exercise book. just need some time to UPLOAD. cant say when that will happen. until then... i can only promise to give you the ad-libbed adventures of calvin in brasil, occasionaly.
love and respect
cal
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