Arrived in Peru - Phew

Cant believe two things:

1. NO MISHAP
I actually arrived in Peru without any major mishap, abduction, or jail sentence. However i was stopped at the Colombian airport and x-rayed for drugs. The soldiers thought i was some loser from the countryside pretending to be Australian.

I think they were all surprised to find that i didnt have anything in my stomach except... shit.

Better luck next time gang.

The taxi driver who picked me up at lima airport was a complete champion. Never mind that he was hassling me from the time i got out of customs, and i was trying to ignore him. We settled on a price before i got in the cab which was only a couple of $us more than the bus (thankyou lonely planet, i owe you my firstborn!). I was so relieved not to be robbed that i gave him a tip.

2. PASSABLE SPANISH
I can actually converse semi-fluently with people who dont talk too fast. never mind that i´m almost always talking in present tense becuase i cant (how do you say..) conjugate (?) my verbs... except for my favourite words
fui - i was
fue - you was
you can use them for any verb under the sun (i think). thank god.

I´ll give u a rundown on colombia when i can, but right now, i need a shower, a haircut and some deodorant. and maybe a disco nap!

p.s.
No photos today cos i havent taken any!

Off To Peru

Hello fans.

Taking a short break from my pressurised humidity crib to write this (stardom can be so hard on the body).

Off to peru tomorrow. Leaving for the airport at 4am.

Really havent got much to say for myself.

Peace.

p.s. Happy Birthday Chris!

Blogs

I have this incredible urge to post a blog saying just "hello world". Its a disorder that i seem to have developed in first year university from exposure to too many lecturers who are still incredibly excited by the first words (um.."hello world") that were ever programmed into a computer.

(dont quote me on that im too lazy too look it up)

I still get nightmares from the ordeal. My first wife left me because she couldnt cope.

Yes well its done, i´ve written them and laid my demons to rest. Apologies to all of you who don´t have any f****n idea what im talking about - its a good thing. trust me.

****

Anyway, back to my main topic, which is blogs.

I think the original idea of a blog is that you´re meant to write on it kind of often. I havent. but i will.

I´ve just returned from this place called Paiper, a couple of hours drive from Bogota (colombia). It was cool. We went there a couple of weeks ago too.

Its a couple of hotels built around some natural springs. excellent. The hotels themselves are funded by some sort of governmenty-corporate thing. Whatever the arrangement is, its resulted in the place being f***n cheap.

I mean, a 3-course lunch today cost me... um.... $5. Soup. steak & fries. dessert. Serious proper food. Seriously, if you´re contemplating being poor, (in australian dollar terms of course) come to colombia. eat like a king.

One other vaguely interesting result of the governmenty-corporate arrangement, is that it lends the whole place a real communist vibe.

(DISCLAIMER: I know nothing about Communism, except that people march a lot, look the same & that its kind of not like Capitalism. encarta)

What do i mean by communist? Dunno. The place is even cheap by colombian standards - it seems to be an "everyman" type of venue. And everyman and his family really does seems to come here.

And on the topic of everyman, its time to begin our first lesson in spanish. The word of today is:

ÑERO (nee-yeah-ro) a. yobbo

I think it´s slang so those following my travels with the proper dedication (like all of u should be!) it wont be in your spanish dictionaries.

This hotel has lots of ñeros. I´d try and describe them but they´re all so different.... yet so the same, the whole world over. sigh

Communism. yes. so we have a hotel full of ñero´s and us cool people (we are very cool of course)... and what does everybody (i mean everybody) do at night?.. we go to the theatre where we sing Colombian national songs. Which are fantastic if they´re sung well and the musicians can actually play.

But when the musician is an untalented father with an ego problem who has his son strum chords while he plays all the tricky bits (poorly), who imagines he´s a virtuoso because he has a crappy keyboard with all those cheesy pre-programmed backbeats; Samba, Rhumba, da chi, da da chi, da da da da, and can play a melody over the top.. its just not cricket

However nobody there seemed to notice it wasnt cricket, because they were all too busy singing extra loud, in unison, with matching uniforms, and dreaming of the long march...

(Angry? - see my above disclaimer)

This is going nowhere fast. I think its time i went

Thanks for the comments, dedicated followers of my trip. Makes me feel quasi-famous.

Apologies for the swearing & my overuse of brackets.

WELCOME TO MY BLOG MUCHACHOS!

Welcome to my blog.

Lets start with an aim (too many physics projects at uni!)

AIM:
To keep any of you who are interested, up to date with what im doing. I was going to do the whole travel email thing, but personally i hate it. Even when i am interested, it kind of tastes like spam. Sad but true.

This blog is an opportunity instead for all of you to tune in, whenever you feel like it, and have a laugh at whats going on around or through my head.

EQUIPMENT:
Now that´s over and done with, i will tell you, my beloved but distant audience, about my trip.

First, my title. Cal in Brasil. Yes i plagiarised it. Yes i will have photos, but no not of that kind! (section 2.2 of blogger´s terms and conditions prohibits it anyway :) )

I do have inspiration that is a little more above board, however.

I actually started quite young on this whole South America thing. 7 in fact. Me and my brother had become addicted to an animated cartoon named "Mysterious Cities of Gold".

It combined the precision of Japanese animation with the most incredible storyline about 3 kids in the 1500s who fly a golden condor, and sail a solar powered ship across South America in search of the fabled El Dorado – City of Gold.

Wicked.

Better still, each episode ended with a 5-minute archaeology documentary on the sites the children had visited in that episode.. machu picchu, nazca…

F****n Awesome!

TWO MOVIES AND A BOOK
When i was about 12, i read Erich von Daniken´s “Chariots of the Gods”. This guy´s a bit of an oddball, but at 12, his theories of alien visits to the Nazcas were incredibly convincing. Somehow, 15 yrs later and with supposedly a lot more intelligence, im still....curious.

The movies - these are probable the least pivotal of all my influences. At around the age of 15, me and my cousins watched two very b-grade movies "Blame It On Rio", and "Wild Orchid".

Not out of an interest in b-grade, but because they had the all-important ratings of V (violence) S (sex) and N (nudity).

Importantly, both films are set in Rio. And both films star really really hot 90s chicks who, throughout the entire movie are generally very naked. Wow.

This brief experience however, cemented a synaptic connection between hot nude girls and Brasil. The human brain is an amazing thing.

ACTUALLY… ONE MORE
Movie. "City of God". Watch it. Its amazing. Its in subtitles, but you soon realise that Brasilian Portuguese has to be the sexiest language in the whole World – even the geekiest guys sound like players.

Its a crazy story about a kid in Rio´s slums who wants to become a photographer, and through his eyes you witness the sénseless violence, cruelty and poverty in Rio de Janeiro.

Weird, but it made me want to go even more.

BEING A GOOD BOY
Actually, im going to be doing a volunteer Project with IkoPoran, based in Rio. I´ll be teaching street kids English and maybe photography. It sounds awesome. Check out the IkoPoran website. I´ve always wanted to be able to comunícate with people in such circumstances and learn about their lives, without putting myself in danger.

CONCLUSION AND FINDINGS
So here i am in Colombia, struggling with Spanish infinitives, eating too much, and welcoming you to my blog.

I hope you enjoy your day. Its been lovely spending time with youse :)

Ummmmmmmmm

Okay peoples. first post..... here goes